I have a new voice in my head. This one arrived when I was putting clothes in a drawer during the day, rather frantically trying to clean up for the arrival of a guest. He said in a menacing, gravely voice, “kill him.”
Yes, this was a shock to me. I don’t hear voices during the day time. I responded, “Oh, you’re annoyed that you have to do this work for a visitor when you could just be relaxing. Life is stressful enough.” He told me yes, and went away. I knew there was more to it, but he was satisfied and stayed fairly quiet throughout a busy weekend.
A few hours after the man spoke, a young girl’s voice came into my head, she said definitively, but quietly, “hurt you.” I didn’t respond to her other than to say “NO.” She has talked since, repeating the same thing, but I haven’t had a talk with her yet. She wants to make my voice small, to give up my happiness so he can have his. I’m already doing that, to quite a great extent, so I’m not sure what her deal is. But she is also telling me someone hurt me, someone in the past, so I know where this is coming from. I just don’t want to go there now.
For now, it seems they are trying to find a balance; my brain is going to make me deal with things I just refuse to look at. I am very good at avoidance, or I was until now.